31 August 2019

Science Spoke (Again) But You Decided Not To Be Sustainable Because “Vegans Are Pushy”

The waves were
rocking about us,
the sea level rising 
and dark storms 
gathered overhead

There were millions 
of us splashing
and bobbing,
not knowing 
how much longer
we could stay afloat

Some vegan was 
frantically
turning hemp 
and broccoli 
into life rafts 
of sustainability 

and tossing them 
to all within reach

But the rafts weren’t 
wrapped in bacon
so they didn’t 
exactly entice us

Besides, the vegan 
was rude and 
obnoxious,
not asking politely,
being all judgy
about our holding 
cows underwater,
one of the few
enjoyments we 
treasured in
our watery lives 

Damn pushy vegans
drive me crazy

So I drowned
instead of touching 
his hippy raft
Ha! I showed him 
and died more politely


30 Aug 2019

Inspiration for the poem: My amazing (nonvegan) friend shared this brilliant NYT article (by a nonvegan) that notes meat is killing the planet and, at the least, if we can't join vegans, we should not mock, but support them. The response from 2 of the 5 commenters: "vegans are pushy"

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